Did you know a synonym for complacent is contented? But that's the problem-I don't feel contented at all. Don't get me wrong, I love my traveling, and I'm very proud that I've accomplished my goal in that sense; but in the here and now, I'm frustrated with myself falling prey to the monotony of day to day life. I can feel it eating at me, yet I do nothing about it. Lately my life has been an endless continuum of work, eat, sleep, TV, and, if I'm lucky, the occasional book. I can feel it affecting me-I'm irritable, lethargic, and uninspired. And it's my fault. Here I am in a new environment surrounded by wonderful and interesting people and I just can't kick my rear in gear. I find myself vegging out in front of the television instead of picking up a book. I used to enjoy being active and working out nearly every day (well sometimes not enjoy if I'm being totally honest, but I always felt better after. I mean-who actually ENJOYS lunges? Honestly.) and I can't remember the last time I did any physical activity than bike up to work a whole two blocks. I eat crappy food and not surprisingly I feel like crap. The worst part is my spiritual life. It's so easy to become complacent with your faith when it's not convenient. I hate that I'm doing that. I know my relationship with God is suffering, and for some reason I just can't become motivated. How horrible is that? I know it's a daily struggle, but lately I find myself always on the losing side. I guess what I'm trying to say is I need help. Mostly from myself, but also from you if you have a moment to put me in your prayers today. If there's one thing I can be grateful for it's the amazing people in my life.
3 comments:
Sometimes, it's not about motivation but about the grace of God who loves us much more than we can fathom. Just relax, pray for openness and let Him work.
I love you,
Mom
i feel you. exactly. and even though im in school and supposed to be enriching my life blah blah blah i feel i=like im just going through the motions. and i know its because of my spiritual life. i wanna feel alive again.
i miss you my dear one. xoxoxo. ill be praying for you.
shivonne,
i know exactly how you (and ivy) feel. the good news is that it's totally common. it's nice to know that we all have each other to lean on - and it's especially nice to know that we're talking to God on each other's behalf. and when you feel like you can't find Him like you once did, he's always there. always.
i love you and miss you. can't wait to see you in a few short months!
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